Easter is late this year. So, in many ways is my own "season of renewal". Though I think mine has been growing for more than just 40 days...and new, things are starting to flower and take root!
For Catholics, in February - deep in the cold and dark of Winter's long time of snow and ice, we celebrate Ash Wednesday - the beginning of Lent - it always brings me the promise of Spring - that knowledge that even in the deepest part of winter's hold, God wants us to feel the spark of warmth that comes with rebirth of all things.
The long 40 days of Lent - when we focused on "giving up" something for Lent. That sacrifice is not meant to deprive us of something we like, but rather as a focal point for the bigger work of becoming a better person in faith. By focusing on that one small sacrifice, we can use thoughts of that to strive to be a better mother, wife, friend, person. For me, it has always been a struggle of my passionate nature - the quixotic, red-headed temperament that has always been my area of weakness, the one, big place to focus improvements. Over years (YEARS), I have gotten a tight rein on my harsher tendencies and become....more - patient. (perhaps) I try. Every year. Something new.
Then, with the bright little shoots of green, everywhere it seems all at once, it bursts to the surface - my desire to have new, green, growing things all around. I love the change of seasons and all the different and new flowers, plants, fruits, vegetables, promises of things to come....Easter and growing - personal growth and growth of what seeds you planted. The rebirth and promise of our Lord, Jesus and His gift to us - and the gifts that come from the earth. They all seem tied together now.
In the Spring, I am always pulled by the earth to plant new, beautiful things to watch and nurture and grow. I love this time of year and seeing what new things will bloom - just around the corner. This year, I have planted my herbs and some flowers, my trees have budded and small pears and apples are on the branches. Grapes have returned - and look to produce this year! We will see what the harvest provides later in the summer, but for now - everything is coming up....roses. :-)
So, Happy Easter...Happy Spring, Happy Renewed You!
This Keltic Witch shares her thoughts and feelings about this crazy world, politics, sports, and anything else that comes to mind.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A Few "Facts" About Taxes....
Some folks out there doubt what The House Leadership - lead by Mr. Ryan's Budget Plan have to say about Federal Spending and Taxes. Let's take a look at some government tax and budget facts then so you can see why conservatives say America doesn't have a tax shortage, it has a spending problem:
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government collected 2.1 trillion dollars in taxes.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 3.52 trillion dollars.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 678 billion dollars on Social Security.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 676 billion dollars on Medicare.
Fact: In 2009, 38.47% of the entire budget went to Social Security and Medicare and the two programmes consumed 64.48% of all Federal tax revenues.
Fact: The 2009 Social Security and Medicare Trustees Reports show the combined unfunded liability of these two programmes has reached nearly 107 trillion dollars in today's dollars and Laurence Kotlikoff, a well-known professor of economics at Boston University, puts the real figure over 200 trillion dollars!
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government collected 2.16 trillion dollars in taxes.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 3.618 trillion dollars.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 701 billion dollars on Social Security.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 793 billion dollars on Medicare.
Fact: In 2010, 41.29% of the entire budget went to Social Security and Medicare and the two programmes consumed 69.17% of all Federal tax revenues.
Fact: Discretionary spending under Bush was 6% when he left office. Obama increased discretionary spending by 11% in 2009 and 14% in 2010.
Fact: Under the baseline scenario, for example, the CBO has determined that the federal government can restore fiscal balance by raising all taxes and cutting all transfer payments immediately and for the indefinite future by 35%.
Fact: The CBO also found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the lowest marginal income tax rate of 10% would have to rise to 26%.
Fact: The CBO has found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the 25% marginal tax rate would increase to 66%.
Fact: The CBO also found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the current highest marginal tax rate on 250,000 dollars (35%) would rise to 92%.
Fact: If the CBO doesn’t do it for you, then try the IMF, which has said that the US has a “critical” fiscal problem and is “not serious” about addressing it. According to the IMF, were the US government to repeal the tax cuts enacted in the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001 (EGTRRA), the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003 (JGTRRA), and were the IPAB to succeed in curbing healthcare spending growth as provided in the IPAB mandate, reining in the fiscal gap would still require an immediate and permanent increase in all taxes and cut in all transfers of 26%.
Fact: According to the IMF, there is an alternative to the Paul Ryan Plan -- an 88% flat tax on everyone. Further, that would be in addition to FICA taxes, which would be 37% on gross income in 2054. [Yes, you read that correctly. 37% payroll taxes on gross income + 88% flat tax on everyone. And, yes, I realize that 37 + 88 = 125. Even if employers were to pay 50% of the 37% (18.5%), you are still left with 88% + 18.5% = 106.5%. Not only would you be working for free, you would also have to pay the government for the privilege of getting to work for nothing. And, you think the Madison labour fight was bad?]
Fact: If you raised taxes to 90% on the wealthiest Americans, forget about debt reduction. You wouldn’t be able to eliminate the budget deficit.
Fact: If you confiscated every penny owned (not just earned) by the 400 wealthiest Americans – 1.36825 TRILLION DOLLARS – you would still have a 300 BILLION DOLLAR BUDGET DEFICIT IN FY 2011.
Fact: If you confiscated every penny owned (not just earned) by the 400 wealthiest Americans – 1.36825 TRILLION DOLLARS – you would still not have enough money to fund Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid for one year.
Fact: Under the Obama tax plan, the Bush rates would be repealed for the top brackets. Yet the "cost" of extending all the Bush rates in 2011 over 10 years was about 3.7 trillion dollars. Some 3 trillion dollars of that was for everything but the top brackets—and Obama says he wants to extend those rates forever. According to IRS data, the entire taxable income of everyone earning over 100,000 dollars in 2008 was about 1.582 trillion dollars. Even if all these Americans—most of whom are far from wealthy—were taxed at 100%, it wouldn't cover Obama's 1.65 trillion dollar deficit for this year.
Once again, America has a spending problem. Not a revenue problem.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government collected 2.1 trillion dollars in taxes.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 3.52 trillion dollars.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 678 billion dollars on Social Security.
Fact: In 2009, the Federal government spent 676 billion dollars on Medicare.
Fact: In 2009, 38.47% of the entire budget went to Social Security and Medicare and the two programmes consumed 64.48% of all Federal tax revenues.
Fact: The 2009 Social Security and Medicare Trustees Reports show the combined unfunded liability of these two programmes has reached nearly 107 trillion dollars in today's dollars and Laurence Kotlikoff, a well-known professor of economics at Boston University, puts the real figure over 200 trillion dollars!
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government collected 2.16 trillion dollars in taxes.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 3.618 trillion dollars.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 701 billion dollars on Social Security.
Fact: In 2010, the Federal government spent 793 billion dollars on Medicare.
Fact: In 2010, 41.29% of the entire budget went to Social Security and Medicare and the two programmes consumed 69.17% of all Federal tax revenues.
Fact: Discretionary spending under Bush was 6% when he left office. Obama increased discretionary spending by 11% in 2009 and 14% in 2010.
Fact: Under the baseline scenario, for example, the CBO has determined that the federal government can restore fiscal balance by raising all taxes and cutting all transfer payments immediately and for the indefinite future by 35%.
Fact: The CBO also found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the lowest marginal income tax rate of 10% would have to rise to 26%.
Fact: The CBO has found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the 25% marginal tax rate would increase to 66%.
Fact: The CBO also found that if federal income tax rates are adjusted to allow the government to continue its current level of activity and balance its budget, the current highest marginal tax rate on 250,000 dollars (35%) would rise to 92%.
Fact: If the CBO doesn’t do it for you, then try the IMF, which has said that the US has a “critical” fiscal problem and is “not serious” about addressing it. According to the IMF, were the US government to repeal the tax cuts enacted in the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001 (EGTRRA), the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003 (JGTRRA), and were the IPAB to succeed in curbing healthcare spending growth as provided in the IPAB mandate, reining in the fiscal gap would still require an immediate and permanent increase in all taxes and cut in all transfers of 26%.
Fact: According to the IMF, there is an alternative to the Paul Ryan Plan -- an 88% flat tax on everyone. Further, that would be in addition to FICA taxes, which would be 37% on gross income in 2054. [Yes, you read that correctly. 37% payroll taxes on gross income + 88% flat tax on everyone. And, yes, I realize that 37 + 88 = 125. Even if employers were to pay 50% of the 37% (18.5%), you are still left with 88% + 18.5% = 106.5%. Not only would you be working for free, you would also have to pay the government for the privilege of getting to work for nothing. And, you think the Madison labour fight was bad?]
Fact: If you raised taxes to 90% on the wealthiest Americans, forget about debt reduction. You wouldn’t be able to eliminate the budget deficit.
Fact: If you confiscated every penny owned (not just earned) by the 400 wealthiest Americans – 1.36825 TRILLION DOLLARS – you would still have a 300 BILLION DOLLAR BUDGET DEFICIT IN FY 2011.
Fact: If you confiscated every penny owned (not just earned) by the 400 wealthiest Americans – 1.36825 TRILLION DOLLARS – you would still not have enough money to fund Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid for one year.
Fact: Under the Obama tax plan, the Bush rates would be repealed for the top brackets. Yet the "cost" of extending all the Bush rates in 2011 over 10 years was about 3.7 trillion dollars. Some 3 trillion dollars of that was for everything but the top brackets—and Obama says he wants to extend those rates forever. According to IRS data, the entire taxable income of everyone earning over 100,000 dollars in 2008 was about 1.582 trillion dollars. Even if all these Americans—most of whom are far from wealthy—were taxed at 100%, it wouldn't cover Obama's 1.65 trillion dollar deficit for this year.
Once again, America has a spending problem. Not a revenue problem.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Are you Tired Too?
Robert A. Hall is the actor who plays the coroner on CSI if you watch that show. He also is a Marine Vietnam War veteran.
This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in the United States of America.
"I'm 63 and I'm Tired"
by Robert A. Hall
I'm 63. Except for one semester in college,when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked hard since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought Mc Mansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.
I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor;" of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers," of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery," of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.
I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I #@*# sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.
I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists?" And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.
I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.
I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.
I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
Yes, I'm tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.
Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.
This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in the United States of America.
"I'm 63 and I'm Tired"
by Robert A. Hall
I'm 63. Except for one semester in college,when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked hard since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought Mc Mansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.
I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor;" of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers," of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery," of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.
I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I #@*# sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.
I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists?" And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.
I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.
I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.
I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
Yes, I'm tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.
Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
My Son and the Tantrum - or Truth in Consequences....
Recently, I was complimented on the behavior of my son and how responsible and mature he is for fifteen. It was nice to know that, regardless of where he goes and whomever is there, he knows how to act in a way that makes a good impression on himself.
The acquaintance then asked me how I managed to control the behavior of a teenager. I don't. I molded the behavior of the toddler he was to influence the comportment of the young adult of today. You have to be a parent all their lives to mold the person they are becoming so that they have the self-confidence to know how to behave with class in all situations. That's not always easy, nor is it always fun - but it is always rewarding.
The one big test my son threw at me when he was little comes to mind as I think back on parenting him. He was two - not newly two, but not super close to three either. I was taking him out to dinner at the end of the work week. He liked to go out to eat and was pretty happy with things at the start of the evening.
We got to the restaurant and I settled him in and asked what he wanted for dinner; he made his choice, we ordered and all was well. He suddenly turned to me after the waitress had taken our orders to the kitchen and said, "I want dessert first." I explained that after we ate our dinner and all our veggies, he could have the little treat that came with the kids meal. "No. First."
My usually well-behaved little boy suddenly threw the first all out tantrum he'd ever had. You know the kind? The one where other Mom's look at you with sympathy and relief that it isn't them? I leaned in, told him he had 3 seconds to stop that unacceptable behavior or we were going home and he would not have his dinner or dessert, but bread and water. One,...two,...three.
Non-plussed, he redoubled his effort to break all tantrum records. I gathered our things, picked him up and stopped at the hostess booth on the way out the door to give them my cell phone number and pay for our dinner, plus a nice tip for the waitress. I told them I'd wait for our food in the parking lot and we would take it to go, if they would call me to come in and get it.
A few minutes later, they actually brought the food to the car for me (probably so I didn't bring my screaming child back inside). We went home and by the time we pulled in at the house, he had calmed back down and was quietly looking at me with curiosity. I didn't say anything about the incident.
We went in; I got him in his PJ's and we went downstairs to the kitchen. I put him in his booster chair and put his bib on, set a plate in front of him and saw his downcast face as he looked at the bread on the plate and the cup of water. He looked up at me and I said; "Son, I know you are disappointed. I am too. I'm disappointed because you behaved poorly and we didn't have a nice dinner out tonight. I told you what would happen and you didn't listen to me. Let's eat and get to bed, tomorrow will be better." After he ate, I put him in bed, read him a story, said his prayers, kissed him goodnight and we both shut the book on a learning experience.
I went downstairs and wept for my lack of wisdom in diverting the tantrum. I felt I had boxed myself in because once I told him the consequence, I had to follow through or I'd have no credibility with my son. I felt like the worst Mom in the world that night.
My son has never acted up in public again and he has never forgotten that lesson. Consequences matter.
The acquaintance then asked me how I managed to control the behavior of a teenager. I don't. I molded the behavior of the toddler he was to influence the comportment of the young adult of today. You have to be a parent all their lives to mold the person they are becoming so that they have the self-confidence to know how to behave with class in all situations. That's not always easy, nor is it always fun - but it is always rewarding.
The one big test my son threw at me when he was little comes to mind as I think back on parenting him. He was two - not newly two, but not super close to three either. I was taking him out to dinner at the end of the work week. He liked to go out to eat and was pretty happy with things at the start of the evening.
We got to the restaurant and I settled him in and asked what he wanted for dinner; he made his choice, we ordered and all was well. He suddenly turned to me after the waitress had taken our orders to the kitchen and said, "I want dessert first." I explained that after we ate our dinner and all our veggies, he could have the little treat that came with the kids meal. "No. First."
My usually well-behaved little boy suddenly threw the first all out tantrum he'd ever had. You know the kind? The one where other Mom's look at you with sympathy and relief that it isn't them? I leaned in, told him he had 3 seconds to stop that unacceptable behavior or we were going home and he would not have his dinner or dessert, but bread and water. One,...two,...three.
Non-plussed, he redoubled his effort to break all tantrum records. I gathered our things, picked him up and stopped at the hostess booth on the way out the door to give them my cell phone number and pay for our dinner, plus a nice tip for the waitress. I told them I'd wait for our food in the parking lot and we would take it to go, if they would call me to come in and get it.
A few minutes later, they actually brought the food to the car for me (probably so I didn't bring my screaming child back inside). We went home and by the time we pulled in at the house, he had calmed back down and was quietly looking at me with curiosity. I didn't say anything about the incident.
We went in; I got him in his PJ's and we went downstairs to the kitchen. I put him in his booster chair and put his bib on, set a plate in front of him and saw his downcast face as he looked at the bread on the plate and the cup of water. He looked up at me and I said; "Son, I know you are disappointed. I am too. I'm disappointed because you behaved poorly and we didn't have a nice dinner out tonight. I told you what would happen and you didn't listen to me. Let's eat and get to bed, tomorrow will be better." After he ate, I put him in bed, read him a story, said his prayers, kissed him goodnight and we both shut the book on a learning experience.
I went downstairs and wept for my lack of wisdom in diverting the tantrum. I felt I had boxed myself in because once I told him the consequence, I had to follow through or I'd have no credibility with my son. I felt like the worst Mom in the world that night.
My son has never acted up in public again and he has never forgotten that lesson. Consequences matter.
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