My Son and the Tantrum - or Truth in Consequences....

Recently, I was complimented on the behavior of my son and how responsible and mature he is for fifteen.  It was nice to know that, regardless of where he goes and whomever is there, he knows how to act in a way that makes a good impression on himself. 

The acquaintance then asked me how I managed to control the behavior of a teenager.  I don't.  I molded the behavior of the toddler he was to influence the comportment of the young adult of today.  You have to be a parent all their lives to mold the person they are becoming so that they have the self-confidence to know how to behave with class in all situations.  That's not always easy, nor is it always fun - but it is always rewarding.

The one big test my son threw at me when he was little comes to mind as I think back on parenting him.  He was two - not newly two, but not super close to three either.  I was taking him out to dinner at the end of the work week.  He liked to go out to eat and was pretty happy with things at the start of the evening.

We got to the restaurant and I settled him in and asked what he wanted for dinner; he made his choice, we ordered and all was well.  He suddenly turned to me after the waitress had taken our orders to the kitchen and said, "I want dessert first."  I explained that after we ate our dinner and all our veggies, he could have the little treat that came with the kids meal.  "No.  First."

My usually well-behaved little boy suddenly threw the first all out tantrum he'd ever had.  You know the kind?  The one where other Mom's look at you with sympathy and relief that it isn't them?  I leaned in, told him he had 3 seconds to stop that unacceptable behavior or we were going home and he would not have his dinner or dessert, but bread and water.  One,...two,...three.

Non-plussed, he redoubled his effort to break all tantrum records.  I gathered our things, picked him up and stopped at the hostess booth on the way out the door to give them my cell phone number and pay for our dinner, plus a nice tip for the waitress.  I told them I'd wait for our food in the parking lot and we would take it to go, if they would call me to come in and get it. 

A few minutes later, they actually brought the food to the car for me (probably so I didn't bring my screaming child back inside). We went home and by the time we pulled in at the house, he had calmed back down and was quietly looking at me with curiosity.  I didn't say anything about the incident. 

We went in; I got him in his PJ's and we went downstairs to the kitchen.  I put him in his booster chair and put his bib on, set a plate in front of him and saw his downcast face as he looked at the bread on the plate and the cup of water.  He looked up at me and I said; "Son, I know you are disappointed.  I am too.  I'm disappointed because you behaved poorly and we didn't have a nice dinner out tonight.  I told you what would happen and you didn't listen to me.  Let's eat and get to bed, tomorrow will be better."  After he ate, I put him in bed, read him a story, said his prayers, kissed him goodnight and we both shut the book on a learning experience. 

I went downstairs and wept for my lack of wisdom in diverting the tantrum.  I felt I had boxed myself in because once I told him the consequence, I had to follow through or I'd have no credibility with my son.  I felt like the worst Mom in the world that night. 

My son has never acted up in public again and he has never forgotten that lesson.  Consequences matter. 

Nicki and the Geese @ Possum Kingdom Lake

DT's family has a reunion each October at Possum Kingdom Lake in Graham Texas. It is a beautiful location and the cabins we rent are dog friendly – which is good because in the our Clan, the canines outnumber the humans by a pretty healthy ratio. The predominant dog being the Australian Shepherd as many participate in Obedience and Agility trials. 


The October of 2009, we had decided to get a small efficiency cabin for our family of 6 (2 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs – that was the “plan”) next to the big cabin for the rest of the family – so we could have a bit of extra room. Due to oversight, instead of bringing Nicki (our Scottie) and Indie (our Aussie) with us, I had messed up the dates on the bordetella vaccines for the schnauzers, and so, they had to come with us too (now a family of 8). Because the schnauzers are quick and (like a Scottie) not good off leash, we brought a “baby gate” as extra protection for the cabin door.

I am not a morning person. I am, in fact, not good until caffeine of some sort – preferably the nectar of the Gods *coffee* has hit my bloodstream. So, in the morning, when the dogs started skootching around to let us know they needed out, it fell to my husband to take them on the first outing. As we knew Indie was the only one we could trust off leash, he made a trip with the schnauzers and then, came back for Nicki. All the while, Indie was at his heels obedient herder that she is.


The cabins are directly on the lake. The lake – in fall – has geese and other water fowl swimming and pecking along near the waterline at the cabins. Nicki had, of course, noticed the birds while on her walk, but as she was ‘on-leash’, she did not fuss with them, or make a big noise or pull to get to them, so DT (who is used to the behavior of an Aussie) thought nothing about the geese or about Nicki and the fact that she might be interested in them. Nicki did think about them - a LOT. When DT came to let Nicki back into the cabin, she pushed on the baby gate –hard – and it popped out of the doorway. Off she ran like a shot!


She ran at those geese full speed right to the waterline, where they swam with nary a care, looking back at her with disdain. Nicki, however, was not to be put off so easily and in she went right after them, fast and hard – swimming out about 100 feet as DT raced to the dock trying to head her off. At about the 100 foot from shore mark, she seemed to realize where she was and that she could no longer touch bottom. This apparently gave her pause and she stopped paddling. And sank like a stone. DT, frantically trying to figure out how he would tell his wife that her darling had drowned, was trying to reach Nicki quickly. Between her stumbling toward shore underwater (DT could see her ‘walking’ on the bottom) and his splashing about like a madman, the two of them managed to get her out of the lake and back to the cabin where I could dry her off.


We all dried her off vigourously rubbing her with towels and checked her out well giving a listen to her lungs to make sure they were clear (thankfully they were) and we kept a VERY close eye on Nicki for the remainder of the weekend to guarantee there were no more ‘swimming’ incidents. She *seriously* likes water and we must be ever vigilant as she has not a whit of fear.

I may get her a doggie life vest before this fall's outing....

Budget Woes and Belt Tightening - Coming Soon to a Town Near You!

Many people all across the country have been discussing all the budgetary cuts happening currently at the local and state level; and I expect soon to happen at the federal level.

Why are we seeing all these deep budget cuts?  Well, frankly, the United States is in serious fiscal trouble.  States, Counties, Cities and Towns must have balanced budgets.  These municipalities can not run deficits like the Federal Government.  In the past few years, the Federal Government was handing out stimulus money like, well...like drunken sailors.  This helped prop up municipal budgets which otherwise would have been carefully and cautiously trimming along the way. Now that the cuts have to be made all in one year, these adjustments seem very draconian.  The piper has come to demand payment. 

As an example of the irresponsible spending I refer to, I will share an episode from the Lewisville Independent School District (LISD) that simply stymied me in its example of short-sightedness. 

In 2009, the LISD was 'awarded' stimulus funds.  Those funds had some strings attached - specifically, they could not be spent on capital expenditures, but had to go to teacher salaries.  (personally, I think teachers deserve more money, but there were better ways to do this) These were funds for 2 years only - 2009 and 2010.  In 2011, at a School Board meeting, members and parents were up in arms over spending cuts and teacher layoffs. 

When asked why the deep cuts were needed, it came out that instead of giving teachers 'bonuses' with the stimulus funds - that is to say 1 or 2 year bonus checks, the ISD had given raises in annual salary.  Not only did they give permanent salary increases to the teachers, they also gave across the board raises to all the Administrative Staff (non-teachers - like the school secretaries, teacher aides, custodians, etc) and now, the budget was short that amount of money.  This (in their minds) necessitated teacher and staff layoffs.  Why didn't the ISD simply return salaries to pre-stimulus levels? 

Sadly, the belt tightening is going to accelerate in the near future.  One of the primary bond funds in the US - the Pimco Select Fund last month sold all its US Bonds.  That is not a good sign.  China is not buying US debt at the rate they have in the past.  Many countries are calling for another 'reserve currency' than the dollar.  All these signs point to fiscally tough times ahead for the US.  What does that mean for individuals and families?

First, municipal and federal budgets are going to see deep, painful cuts.   Increases in fees and charges for all manner of public services will also happen.  Taxes will likely increase starting with local sales taxes.  These actions will take more money out of the pockets of families and working people.  Next, inflation will be rearing its ugly head.  We can see that by looking at grocery prices and fuel/energy costs.  The numbers reported monthly by Washington are manipulated by not including items like food and gas - they say those items are too volatile but, no one can go without food or gas, no matter the cost.  So, less money in your pockets. 

As Washington sees the world stepping further back from US debt, we will see Income Tax increases.  There is no other way that the Federal Government brings in revenue - they don't create anything, make any goods or sell services.  They are totally funded by taxes, fees and penalties.  They will also have to cut their employee rolls.  More lay offs, more cuts and more unemployment.

Those of us who still remember hyper-inflation from the 1970's will be very sad to see a return to those days - and SPAM burgers may make a come back in kitchen tables around the US.  The next 2 - 3 decades will be very tight and many people and programs that are important and worthwhile, will sadly and necessarily see cuts or eliminations.  Hopefully, our children will learn from the mistakes of the past years and not repeat this cycle of living beyond our means.

Why should we vote? ( Or, does it really matter?)

Why should we vote? I have heard this a lot recently.  Here are some thoughts I have on the matter.

Americans, by and large have gotten complacent about politics in recent years. Overwhelmingly - we were busy with our lives, our jobs, our children....we have trusted those that wanted to go to Washington and rub elbows with lobbyists because we thought it was in our best interests to do so - after-all that was what the career politicians told us.

But, we have been misled. We have been hoodwinked. In short, we were lied to and now the consequences are quite rudely, clear to all. The American Dream has been usurped right out from under our children.

Now that we have awakened ordinary Americans (thank you Obama - at least there is ONE positive from your Administration) we cannot - indeed we MUST not fall back into complacency. We CAN begin to change DC on Tuesday - but make no mistake. It will take a minimum of 3 election cycles - 6 years - to clear the corruption from D.C. and let the career politicians know that their days are numbered.

Our Founding Fathers had a vision of government.  That vision included citizens putting down the plow and the tools of their trades and taking up the yoke of public office to serve their fellow citizens.  Then, after serving their country in Washington D.C., they would return to their lives and contribute to society as private citizens again.  That vision has become corrupted; twisted by the very people we trusted to represent our needs and ideas.  Now, a supported candidate can go to D.C. with very little  net worth - and in a few short terms of office, become millionaires.  How that happens on a public servant's salary is beyond comprehension.  Doubt me?  Look into Mr. Reid's own history.

Regardless of your party affiliation or your political ideology, Americans overwhelmingly believe you can work hard and achieve your dreams.  Yet, more and more today we hear that "greedy, rich people" are ruining it for everyone.  I say No.  I believe greedy, lazy people are ruining the country with their entitlement mentality.

If I have an idea and work hard to bring it to market and succeed wildly - beyond even my dreams; that doesn't mean that any and all poor people are entitled to the fruits of my sweat and labor.  If I become a millionaire it doesn't make me "greedy" or "evil"; it means I reached the dream.  Don't like that you haven't?  Here's a tip; work harder.  Don't expect a handout.

Don't get me wrong; charity is critical to our communities.  But, it begins at home - not in a government bureaucracy.   I believe that setting a goal to give 10% of my gross income in charity each year has made me work harder so that I can give more and help more people.  I don't need the government to tell me what to give and who to benefit.  I think the government has backed losing propositions.  Welfare is an initiative killer.  Picking programs that teach people to work or educate them in a trade is an empowering option.  So, that is where I concentrate my charity, be it time or money.

We MUST reestablish the merit based success in our culture.  You don't punish the rich or those who have worked hard for what they have.  You don't punish anyone.  Likewise, you don't reward sloth or waste by giving handouts.  Failure can be the best teacher of all.  If you fail hard, you can learn what you did wrong and succeed far more.  Not letting people fail is stunting their growth. Stop propping up mediocrity and we improve America for all.

Voting is our responsibility so that we can make the choices we want for our children.  By not voting, you say that you don't care what becomes of the future your kids will inherit.  If that is true, why would you spend the time and effort to raise them?  Their future depends on the laws and policies that are formed NOW not 20 years from now.

Stay vigilant. Do you civic duty - get informed and vote.

Katrina - New Orleans, put on your big girl panties - time to stand up...

5 years ago Katrina made history in the Gulf Coast.  As the days lead up to the hurricane, people were told to get out of the area.  People were told to evacuate, that this was a killer storm, a Category 4 as it crossed the Gulf, it was strengthening and was forecast to hit Category 5 before it came ashore.  Unimagined power in the form of wind and water.

People didn't leave.  They didn't want to leave their homes.  They had stayed before during storms.  They had no place to go.  They had no way to leave.  Whatever the excuses, reasons, or thinking about the storm, the bottom line is that people didn't leave.

God spared the city a direct hit.  Mississippi got that honor and it was bad there.  But New Orleans seemed spared.  Then, the water breached the levees and all bets were off.  As people died and more were stranded on rooftops and in precarious places, a strong sense of victimization arose.

We began to hear cries or complaints that President Bush was not helping enough that the government wasn't there fast enough.  Funny thing was, we only heard that from New Orleans.  We didn't hear that from Mississippi.  Throughout the rest of President Bush's term, the left and his detractors couldn't say enough that Katrina was his failure.  

I have to ask, really?  was it REALLY President Bush's failure?

• Is it President Bush's fault that the people stayed instead of heeding warnings?
• Is it President Bush's fault for not using the buses as was the plan.
• Is it President  Bush's fault that these people were hungry and were stealing TV's. 
• Is it President  Bush's fault that the cops turned into looters of clothes cameras, TV's etc, etc as the citizens they swore to protect and serve were hungry?
• Is it President  Bush's fault that the Mayor and Governor were phenomenal  incompetents?

The direct and blunt answer is NO.  It was not President Bush's fault.  President Bush urged Governor Blanco to declare an emergency and order a mandatory evacuation.  He offered help and at first, she refused.  She refused the Red Cross access to the cities.  Mayor Nagin got himself and his family out of New Orleans, but neglected to get the school buses moving to pick up people without cars, as was planned in the evacuation strategy. They were criminally negligent and yet, Nagin was actually re-elected after the disaster.

Why then do people from NOLA continue to demand help and live in FEMA trailers?  After-all, Mississippi had it bad too and no one is crying about Biloxi on the evening news.  In my opinion, it is because those who are still considering themselves victims 5 years later ARE victims.  They are victims of the bloated Federal Welfare state.  They are victims of multi-generational governmental dependence.  They are victims of their own lassitude and lack of gumption.  

I was listening to the news last week and there was a City Councilman from NOLA being interviewed.  He was complaining about how the government needed to send help to the city because there are people who want to come back to the community and the community is so tight-knit.....blah blah.  But, they need help because some lots are still empty and they need someone to send help to cut the grass..."just to cut the grass".  I got so disgusted, I turned off the news.  

Here is a flash of thought for this City Councilman in his district that is such a close-knit community - YOU cut the grass, or organize a group from the neighborhood to take care of the vacant lots.  Help yourselves.  Stand up and make an effort to do more than cash that government assistance check.  The community did it in Mississippi.  Communities all over Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and all of the mid-west do it every year after tornadoes and floods.  They help themselves and their neighbors because THAT is the American way.

If New Orleans wants to return to be a great American city, she will have to find her guts and self-determination rather than continuing to whine and moan about being a victim.  To those citizens who are going nowhere, get up, turn off the T.V. or the radio and DO SOMETHING to improve your situation.  That might mean living elsewhere to earn a living.  Whatever it takes.  That is American courage.