Budget Woes and Belt Tightening - Coming Soon to a Town Near You!

Many people all across the country have been discussing all the budgetary cuts happening currently at the local and state level; and I expect soon to happen at the federal level.

Why are we seeing all these deep budget cuts?  Well, frankly, the United States is in serious fiscal trouble.  States, Counties, Cities and Towns must have balanced budgets.  These municipalities can not run deficits like the Federal Government.  In the past few years, the Federal Government was handing out stimulus money like, well...like drunken sailors.  This helped prop up municipal budgets which otherwise would have been carefully and cautiously trimming along the way. Now that the cuts have to be made all in one year, these adjustments seem very draconian.  The piper has come to demand payment. 

As an example of the irresponsible spending I refer to, I will share an episode from the Lewisville Independent School District (LISD) that simply stymied me in its example of short-sightedness. 

In 2009, the LISD was 'awarded' stimulus funds.  Those funds had some strings attached - specifically, they could not be spent on capital expenditures, but had to go to teacher salaries.  (personally, I think teachers deserve more money, but there were better ways to do this) These were funds for 2 years only - 2009 and 2010.  In 2011, at a School Board meeting, members and parents were up in arms over spending cuts and teacher layoffs. 

When asked why the deep cuts were needed, it came out that instead of giving teachers 'bonuses' with the stimulus funds - that is to say 1 or 2 year bonus checks, the ISD had given raises in annual salary.  Not only did they give permanent salary increases to the teachers, they also gave across the board raises to all the Administrative Staff (non-teachers - like the school secretaries, teacher aides, custodians, etc) and now, the budget was short that amount of money.  This (in their minds) necessitated teacher and staff layoffs.  Why didn't the ISD simply return salaries to pre-stimulus levels? 

Sadly, the belt tightening is going to accelerate in the near future.  One of the primary bond funds in the US - the Pimco Select Fund last month sold all its US Bonds.  That is not a good sign.  China is not buying US debt at the rate they have in the past.  Many countries are calling for another 'reserve currency' than the dollar.  All these signs point to fiscally tough times ahead for the US.  What does that mean for individuals and families?

First, municipal and federal budgets are going to see deep, painful cuts.   Increases in fees and charges for all manner of public services will also happen.  Taxes will likely increase starting with local sales taxes.  These actions will take more money out of the pockets of families and working people.  Next, inflation will be rearing its ugly head.  We can see that by looking at grocery prices and fuel/energy costs.  The numbers reported monthly by Washington are manipulated by not including items like food and gas - they say those items are too volatile but, no one can go without food or gas, no matter the cost.  So, less money in your pockets. 

As Washington sees the world stepping further back from US debt, we will see Income Tax increases.  There is no other way that the Federal Government brings in revenue - they don't create anything, make any goods or sell services.  They are totally funded by taxes, fees and penalties.  They will also have to cut their employee rolls.  More lay offs, more cuts and more unemployment.

Those of us who still remember hyper-inflation from the 1970's will be very sad to see a return to those days - and SPAM burgers may make a come back in kitchen tables around the US.  The next 2 - 3 decades will be very tight and many people and programs that are important and worthwhile, will sadly and necessarily see cuts or eliminations.  Hopefully, our children will learn from the mistakes of the past years and not repeat this cycle of living beyond our means.

Why should we vote? ( Or, does it really matter?)

Why should we vote? I have heard this a lot recently.  Here are some thoughts I have on the matter.

Americans, by and large have gotten complacent about politics in recent years. Overwhelmingly - we were busy with our lives, our jobs, our children....we have trusted those that wanted to go to Washington and rub elbows with lobbyists because we thought it was in our best interests to do so - after-all that was what the career politicians told us.

But, we have been misled. We have been hoodwinked. In short, we were lied to and now the consequences are quite rudely, clear to all. The American Dream has been usurped right out from under our children.

Now that we have awakened ordinary Americans (thank you Obama - at least there is ONE positive from your Administration) we cannot - indeed we MUST not fall back into complacency. We CAN begin to change DC on Tuesday - but make no mistake. It will take a minimum of 3 election cycles - 6 years - to clear the corruption from D.C. and let the career politicians know that their days are numbered.

Our Founding Fathers had a vision of government.  That vision included citizens putting down the plow and the tools of their trades and taking up the yoke of public office to serve their fellow citizens.  Then, after serving their country in Washington D.C., they would return to their lives and contribute to society as private citizens again.  That vision has become corrupted; twisted by the very people we trusted to represent our needs and ideas.  Now, a supported candidate can go to D.C. with very little  net worth - and in a few short terms of office, become millionaires.  How that happens on a public servant's salary is beyond comprehension.  Doubt me?  Look into Mr. Reid's own history.

Regardless of your party affiliation or your political ideology, Americans overwhelmingly believe you can work hard and achieve your dreams.  Yet, more and more today we hear that "greedy, rich people" are ruining it for everyone.  I say No.  I believe greedy, lazy people are ruining the country with their entitlement mentality.

If I have an idea and work hard to bring it to market and succeed wildly - beyond even my dreams; that doesn't mean that any and all poor people are entitled to the fruits of my sweat and labor.  If I become a millionaire it doesn't make me "greedy" or "evil"; it means I reached the dream.  Don't like that you haven't?  Here's a tip; work harder.  Don't expect a handout.

Don't get me wrong; charity is critical to our communities.  But, it begins at home - not in a government bureaucracy.   I believe that setting a goal to give 10% of my gross income in charity each year has made me work harder so that I can give more and help more people.  I don't need the government to tell me what to give and who to benefit.  I think the government has backed losing propositions.  Welfare is an initiative killer.  Picking programs that teach people to work or educate them in a trade is an empowering option.  So, that is where I concentrate my charity, be it time or money.

We MUST reestablish the merit based success in our culture.  You don't punish the rich or those who have worked hard for what they have.  You don't punish anyone.  Likewise, you don't reward sloth or waste by giving handouts.  Failure can be the best teacher of all.  If you fail hard, you can learn what you did wrong and succeed far more.  Not letting people fail is stunting their growth. Stop propping up mediocrity and we improve America for all.

Voting is our responsibility so that we can make the choices we want for our children.  By not voting, you say that you don't care what becomes of the future your kids will inherit.  If that is true, why would you spend the time and effort to raise them?  Their future depends on the laws and policies that are formed NOW not 20 years from now.

Stay vigilant. Do you civic duty - get informed and vote.

Katrina - New Orleans, put on your big girl panties - time to stand up...

5 years ago Katrina made history in the Gulf Coast.  As the days lead up to the hurricane, people were told to get out of the area.  People were told to evacuate, that this was a killer storm, a Category 4 as it crossed the Gulf, it was strengthening and was forecast to hit Category 5 before it came ashore.  Unimagined power in the form of wind and water.

People didn't leave.  They didn't want to leave their homes.  They had stayed before during storms.  They had no place to go.  They had no way to leave.  Whatever the excuses, reasons, or thinking about the storm, the bottom line is that people didn't leave.

God spared the city a direct hit.  Mississippi got that honor and it was bad there.  But New Orleans seemed spared.  Then, the water breached the levees and all bets were off.  As people died and more were stranded on rooftops and in precarious places, a strong sense of victimization arose.

We began to hear cries or complaints that President Bush was not helping enough that the government wasn't there fast enough.  Funny thing was, we only heard that from New Orleans.  We didn't hear that from Mississippi.  Throughout the rest of President Bush's term, the left and his detractors couldn't say enough that Katrina was his failure.  

I have to ask, really?  was it REALLY President Bush's failure?

• Is it President Bush's fault that the people stayed instead of heeding warnings?
• Is it President Bush's fault for not using the buses as was the plan.
• Is it President  Bush's fault that these people were hungry and were stealing TV's. 
• Is it President  Bush's fault that the cops turned into looters of clothes cameras, TV's etc, etc as the citizens they swore to protect and serve were hungry?
• Is it President  Bush's fault that the Mayor and Governor were phenomenal  incompetents?

The direct and blunt answer is NO.  It was not President Bush's fault.  President Bush urged Governor Blanco to declare an emergency and order a mandatory evacuation.  He offered help and at first, she refused.  She refused the Red Cross access to the cities.  Mayor Nagin got himself and his family out of New Orleans, but neglected to get the school buses moving to pick up people without cars, as was planned in the evacuation strategy. They were criminally negligent and yet, Nagin was actually re-elected after the disaster.

Why then do people from NOLA continue to demand help and live in FEMA trailers?  After-all, Mississippi had it bad too and no one is crying about Biloxi on the evening news.  In my opinion, it is because those who are still considering themselves victims 5 years later ARE victims.  They are victims of the bloated Federal Welfare state.  They are victims of multi-generational governmental dependence.  They are victims of their own lassitude and lack of gumption.  

I was listening to the news last week and there was a City Councilman from NOLA being interviewed.  He was complaining about how the government needed to send help to the city because there are people who want to come back to the community and the community is so tight-knit.....blah blah.  But, they need help because some lots are still empty and they need someone to send help to cut the grass..."just to cut the grass".  I got so disgusted, I turned off the news.  

Here is a flash of thought for this City Councilman in his district that is such a close-knit community - YOU cut the grass, or organize a group from the neighborhood to take care of the vacant lots.  Help yourselves.  Stand up and make an effort to do more than cash that government assistance check.  The community did it in Mississippi.  Communities all over Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and all of the mid-west do it every year after tornadoes and floods.  They help themselves and their neighbors because THAT is the American way.

If New Orleans wants to return to be a great American city, she will have to find her guts and self-determination rather than continuing to whine and moan about being a victim.  To those citizens who are going nowhere, get up, turn off the T.V. or the radio and DO SOMETHING to improve your situation.  That might mean living elsewhere to earn a living.  Whatever it takes.  That is American courage.

Best Friends Come in All Shapes and Sizes.....

For the past 13 years, I have enjoyed an important friendship of epic wonder.  One that has borne all manner of changes; location, ended relationships, marriage, birth, death, job loss...and grown deeper.  We have trust, love, compassion and caring that some married couples never develop.

That friendship is with my horse, Whiskey.

Whiskey is 25 years old and we met by chance - if you believe in coincidence.  My friend April and her husband David knew I was looking for a horse.  They called me one June Saturday from a livestock auction; "Kim, there's a horse here that David and I think you should come look at".  I said I would be there.

When I got there, April took me into the barns to where David was standing with a horse-trader we knew.  Behind them was a deep red coated Quarter Horse.  You could tell he was in the "Foundation" style - short and stout of leg, powerful rear-end and then he turned around.  His face was a disaster of scars and his chest was criss-crossed with slashes that were clearly from a cruelly applied whip.  I was astounded because despite the obvious abuse, he didn't pin his ears or slant his eye. His beautiful deep liquid brown eye held mine and it was filled with a consciousness - one that was interested in me and he stuck his head over the bars to be stroked on the velvet nose; ears swiveled to catch my words.

"I'm in a skirt, can David ride him for me?"  So, David trotted him out and put him through his paces.  Not that it mattered, my heart had already claimed him.  April asked what I thought.  "Let's go bid on him, I like him".  No one else was bidding on the horse with the wrecked face - except the meat buyer because he was a stout horse~ about 1200 pounds and that would bring top dollar at the slaughter house. When he finally backed down, I was at my last $50 bucks.....down came the gavel "$800....sold to the red-head in the front".... 

"His name is Charlie Brown" said the trader. "No, his name is Irish Whiskey", I said, "and he is mine"...."let's go boy, you have a family now".

It was a bad back story.  His previous owner was a roper who beat the snot out of him with a 2x4 whenever they had bad times in calf roping.  He was not fond of men.  I spent time with him whenever I could.  Even if it was just to run a brush over him or give him a bath.  I think that first 6 months, he was the cleanest horse in Houston....and it worked magic.  

He knew me and my red car, coming across fields of green grass to greet me and my son.  He watched over 2 year old Marcos like a nurse-maid.  He would keep Marcos right beside him if I had to go to the tack barn or the rest room...never letting the toddler out of his sight or reach of his head.  Marcos would steady his toddler steps by holding the red tail hairs and Whiskey never minded one getting pulled...he was part of the family and we loved him.

People said "he's just a horse, Kim".  But, I know better.  He has saved my life three times in payback for me saving his.  The first time, I wasn't careful - I missed that there was a new gelding in the pasture and I was in my own world walking across 10 acres to where Whiskey was grazing...tremors underfoot made me spin around to see a mammoth black draft horse bearing down on me in full gallop neck snaked, ears pinned.  

I was in big trouble and people were running from the house yelling to get out of there....from the corner of my eye I saw a red streak cut me off from the attacking horse.  It was Whiskey.  He planted himself in front of me and reared up striking out with his powerful front legs hitting the black square in the chest.  The fight was incredible.  Two forces of nature, red and black battled 10 feet from my shaky knees.  Whiskey drove the horse off and walked me to the gates where April was standing apologizing for not quarantining the horse.  

The second time was scarier as it involved an ex-boyfriend with stalking tendencies.  I was riding out one night in the arena, just me and Whiskey.  We were working on side-passes and just spending some time together as Marcos was visiting Grammy in Boston and I had a rare night to myself.  I was loping away from the house toward the back of the arena and got hit hard in the head by a rock.  Then, Whiskey got hit on the rump.  He turned and we saw the ex standing there with a handful of rocks and a drunk's belligerence.  "I'm gonna knock you off that f'ing horse and kick your ass".  Fear bloomed in my stomach.  I knew April and David were out at a rodeo and I was alone on 50 acres with only my horse between me and a serious problem.  My cell phone was locked in my car....

He launched another rock.  Whiskey side-passed away.  Another....Whiskey stepped the other way.  Then, bravado borne of Miller Lite made a miscalculated error.  The gate opened and the drunk stepped into the arena closing the gate behind him.  As he wound up to throw another rock, Whiskey pawed the ground like a stallion about to charge.  I felt the powerful hind-quarters bunch under me and Whiskey lifted his front feet off the ground, crashed down and broke into a lope, snorting and trumpeting a challenge to the night, he ran at the man he knew was a threat to us both.  1200 pounds of muscle bearing down and gathering momentum.  He wouldn't stop no matter my pulling on the reins, but he also never went faster than he knew I could ride.  No full gallop ~ of which he is so capable ~ as he knew (and still knows to this day) that I am not comfortable at his full speed.

Inexorably, Whiskey closed the space and I started to see the bully crumble as all such bullies will when challenged.  Closer, closer...suddenly the man broke and ran for the gate, climbed the fence and kept running for his truck, cursing at us the whole while.  Then, headlights turned onto the lane as the diesel rumble of a dually broke the night.  April and David were home, the fight was over.  After relating the story to April, she said lightly, "that's a good horse".

The last time he saved my life was much more peaceful.  I had, for many reasons, decided to move to Dallas and take a new job in a new area and make new friends.  One such friend was a nice guy, my age who worked with me.  I wasn't sure if I was interested in trying again at relationships.  Marcos seemed to be fine, but he is one who has always made friends easily as he has an open and loving heart.  

David had generously offered to drive his pickup to Houston with a horse-trailer borrowed from a neighbor to bring Whiskey home.  It had been a LONG month without my horse and I wanted to have him in the backyard finally.  I knew Whiskey would load for me, even though the trailer was a little small for his size.  He will go anywhere I lead him.  When we got there, I told David that Whiskey really doesn't take too easily to men because of his history.  But, Whiskey, the rascal,  made a liar of me.  My horse, that I had missed for weeks, walked right up to this man and let him rub all over his head and chest.  He looked at me as if to say "THIS is a good choice".  I laughed.  My son and my horse had both seen what I was afraid to see....we had a new family member.

Thirteen years have come and gone.  A lot of tears have been shed into the red mane.  A new little boy has learned to stand and steady himself on those red tail hairs. I still have my friend and confidant and he has his forever family....April was right, he is a good horse, and a better friend...

Thank God we found each other...

Fear and (Self) Loathing

Many of my friends have days that may classify as "bad hair days" or days when they just don't feel they look their best - though we on the outside think they look just beautiful.  It is one of those things that can be hard for others to see - that lack of confidence or when your inner voice is your toughest critic.  Sometimes your "self-talk" is very negative.  

I know, you see, because for most of my life I have felt what can hardly be described as anything other than self-loathing.

How does that happen?  How does a girl grow up to hate the very image of herself in a piece of glass?  To hate the thought that someone ~ anyone, somewhere has an (unflattering) picture of her.  In my mind, they are all unflattering - all capturing some large or minute imperfection.

It comes slowly, built on day by day as one listens to those who purport to love her.  They tell her things that they say are "trying to help"...."we only want the best for you"....

"You shouldn't eat that.....don't wear those pants, they make you look fat....no one will love you if you are bigger than a size 10.....you won't keep a man.....your hair looks awful that way...those thighs have got to go.....I think you should just have salad tonight......your stomach is sticking out.....turn around - do you see that bulge....I wouldn't wear shorts if I was you....thank God you are at least smart....don't go sleeveless....you have panty lines.......don't wear knit - it clings to your fat.....you'll never look like  ____ (enter best friend's name)......why would you think to order that......maybe you shouldn't eat tonight...."


I could go on for pages....chapters even and all with the same message - you don't measure up (no pun intended) and so, you are not lovable, not cute, not good enough.  Not even your family loves you....


I'm not sure when it started really.  It seems like Dad was always telling me I needed to diet or Mom was always cooking something "low-fat" for me.  I guess it probably started at puberty when I started to develop curves.  Now, I will be the first to tell you that kids can be mean ~ but they aren't your family and you can go home and get away from them.  I couldn't get away. Ever.


I developed full-fledged bulimia in senior year of High School.  I never did throw up though - I abused laxatives - seemed easier to hide.  Throughout that year, I did anything I could to be a "single-digit" size.  It didn't work.  So, I started eating every other day.  Still no luck.  I would go down to the basement for HOURS each evening to exercise.  I would do 100 leg lifts, 200, 500.....I measured my waist, hips, legs, arms EVERY day....I was so afraid that I would never get a date if I couldn't get thinner.....

What no one ever told me was that I have a body type that tends toward athleticism and an hour-glass figure.  The classic beauty of Marilyn Monroe or Doris Day with feminine curves was in my future, not the androgynous, flat-chested look of a cover model.

Through my twenties and into my thirties, I would obsessively measure body parts and feel sick fear with what the tape measure said.  Pregnancy was pure Hell on earth as I had no control over what was happening to my body.  Though I did stop using laxatives so the baby would be healthy.  I did 30 - 40 minutes of sit ups during my pregnancy with Marcos until the doctor ordered me to stop in the 7th month.

After he was born, both motherhood and the  onset of my auto-immune disease, Progressive Hashimoto's Thyroiditis caused me to step back and take a look at my life.  I started to see things differently and understood that I had some serious baggage in my life.  Part of my journey back was realizing that if I stayed where I was and listened to my "family" tell me how unlovable I was, I would never be the Mom that Marcos deserved.  

That inner resolve to do better for him is part of what drove me to move to Texas.  I was afraid my family would give him his own baggage to carry through life and I wouldn't allow that to happen.  I took the "bull by the horns" and moved to Houston and then to Dallas and made a life for Marcos.


Through the grace of God, I met David and we fell in love and built a family.  I still have fear ~ that I may pass on poor self-esteem to my kids, that others will see through the veneer of self-confidence to what is hiding inside - a scared, shy woman who is afraid no one will like her because she is bigger than a size 10.....

It's been 10 years since I married David.  I still have those feelings of low self-worth - though some days I think my face looks pretty okay for a 43 year old woman.....some days I like my hair...I'm working out again ~ for me.  Not to be a certain size, but to be stronger and more flexible.  


My goal for this anniversary is to go out to dinner with my husband and for me to feel good when we have our picture taken.


I'm gonna reach that goal.